DISCLAIMER: I serve food and wine at one of the more critically acclaimed restaurants in Nashville. I am not a sommelier, and I am by NO stretch of the imagination any sort of wine expert. Let’s just say that I’m a wine enthusiast. Actually, enthusiast doesn’t go far enough. I’m a wine lover. Yes, I love wine like most women my age, but I do know a little more than your average girl. But again, I’m not a snob. I drool over a nice Brunello, but I also love Bota Box wine as well. So… maybe that does make me the best person to review the 50 Shades of Grey Wine, since I love ALL wine. And I devoured the Fifty Shades of Grey books.

Now, when I say I devoured the books, I mean I devoured them, the way that one would devour a box of Little Debbie Snack Cakes in one day. Yes, a box in one day. The first one, you think, “Man that was pretty good. I think I’ll have another.” And then, with the second one, you think, “I don’t know if that first one was as good as the last… maybe I should try one more to see if I still like these.” And then by the fourth, you think, “Oh my God, I don’t even want these anymore! Just get them out of my house!” And then on the fifth, you’re glad that they are out of your sight, but you’re left feeling a little sick, unsatisfied, and like you just wasted your time, money, and calories. That is how I feel about the Fifty Shades of Grey series. I have not however, seen the movies. I’m not opening up another box of Little Debbie Cakes…

And so, when the CultureSmash Cast opened up a bottle of white and red to taste test, I was all in. First we opened up the white blend. Oh, and please don’t judge me as I sound a hint pretentious. I’m going to try to use my tiny amount of wine knowledge to judge these wines. In the white blend, I could detect a hint of oaky-ness and grapefruit, which tells me that there is at least an oak aged chardonnay and Sauvignon Blanc in the mix. There’s probably a hint of Pinot Grigio in there as well because… well, ladies love their Pinot Grigio! At the first taste, we all wondered why the mix tasted bland and watered down. I’m not a big fan of white wines, unless there’s bubbles in there, and so I thought maybe it was just me.

And then we went to the red blend. At first taste, I could taste tannins, but with a bit of a fruit finish. There was a little bit of tart fruit like cherry and just a tad leather or oak. My guess is a little Cabernet Sauvignon and some Pinot Noir. I’m sure there’s some Merlot in there as well, since it is a California blend. Again, I felt that this wine was a little watered down. And I love reds. Luckily, it wasn’t a sweet red. A good blend of tannins and fruit, but still not full or bold. BUT I will say, it did the trick, because I kept drinking and got a little tipsy. Then again, I drank half the bottle on an empty stomach.

I think that for the novice wine drinker, these wines would make a great gift. Maybe for a bachelorette party or for giggly house wives who are just dipping their toe in the pool of naughtiness. In the 50 Shakes Darker Pack, you get one white and two reds for the price of $53.99, which is $17.99 for a bottle. While this isn’t too pricey, for the wine you are getting, I think is overpriced. I could go to Walmart and get a better wine for $10 each. I do wish that they would have made a sparkling wine as well to put in the mix because it’s a little easier to get away with a milder sparkling wine. All in all, a decent gift to get for that special lady in your life, just as long as she’s never had any of the good stuff.

Take a look at the livestream podcast above to see us try the wine live!

6.5/10