Directed By: Nicholas Medina
Starring: Brandin Rackley, Frankie Cullen, Christine Nguyen, Genaveve Jolie
Wanna know why porn stars aren’t in Hollywood movies? Then Twilight Vamps: Love at First Bite is for you.
The Movie
When Jack’s (Frankie Cullen) girlfriend Louise keeps giving him the run around he and a work friend Roger, go to Shadows, a strip club run by a sexy vampire named Tabitha (Brandin Rackley). Roger goes to the back with one of the girls and is found dead the next day. Needless to say he was done in by a vamp and then Jack is framed for the murder. Much sex is had along the way. MUCH sex (hum?).
Infinity Entertainment doesn’t waste any time getting to the nakedness and they liberally spread it throughout the movie (sounds familiar). This still doesn’t make the movie good. Porn stars cannot act. And putting an enormous amount of nudity in a movie does not make up for the lack of story (this sounds familiar too). And I mean there is no story (seriously dude, I’m having major déjà vu). No motivation except money is given for why the vamps are killing men. There’s so much sex and nudity that there isn’t any time to tell a story. At least we know there will probably be a sequel.
The opening credits are the only highlights of this movie. They have a wonderful retro 60’s feel to them (now I’m getting scared). But this isn’t enough to warrant a look. Vampires are all the rage right now but enough is enough. A nine year old kid with his parent’s video camera could make a better product than this (redundant much?).
2/10
The Video
The film is presented in widescreen but there is no ratio aspect given. The resolution is really low quality on this one. There is the occasional scratch or line of demarcation that pops up. It’s amazing that in this age of affordable digital cameras something this low in quality could manage to be produced (I think I need a nap).
3/10
The Audio
Dolby Digital. The audio volume did seem a bit low at times but every terrible line is clear.
3/10
The Packaging and Bonus Features
The packaging is a standard clam shell. There isn’t any special features save for two trailers for other Infinity Entertainment movies.
1/10
If you noticed that this review is almost exactly like my review of Bikini Frankenstein then you win the prize for recognizing redundancy. That’s the way it felt watching this movie. Hell, the final scene is even lifted straight out of Bikini Frankenstein. Infinity doesn’t do much in the way of providing variety in their movies but then again, who really needs a plot in their stroke films?
Overall (Not an Average) 2/10
The Review
The Season 2/10
The Video 3/10
The Audio 3/10
The Packaging and Bonus Features 1/10
Overall (Not an Average) 2/10